Tuesday, 26 October 2010

What has happened to the styling at the X Factor?

So the X Factor is coming into its fourth week and the live finals seem to be getting more ridiculous as Simon Cowell's trousers get closer to his armpits. Cheryl Cole has died her hair red to go with her pink lipstick and pink dress, a great look. Danni keeps getting pushed further and further away from the judging table (she'll be sitting in the back row with the rest of the neanderthals by week 52) Louis' face seems to be morphing into a leprechaun with every passing commercial (no plastic surgery aye?) Dermot gets more boring as the cold nights draw in and Katie Waissel's ears seem to be moving outwards in an uncontrollable fashion. But what has upset me the most is the styling, or lack of; some of them really have looked shocking. I wonder how much these stylists get paid? My nan could do better, and she's dead.

Now; we all know that Cheryl is trying to turn Cher into a little Mrs Cole, but Cheryl didn't do a good job of it; so I think she should leave poor Cher be, for her own sake. No wonder why Cher keeps breaking down after performances, If I was wearing this terrible tracksuit, I'd probably be vomiting over myself mid-song.

I thought the UK had moved on from those terrible stereotypes we used to have to sit through on national TV. But when Diva Fever walked on stage, I thought I had turned it over to a terrible 70s sitcom where homosexuals were dressed in skirts and berated for being 'too feminine.' At one point I think I saw David from 'The Only Gay in the Village' stroll past in the background. 'I know! Lets put them in lots of sparkle, cycling shorts, really tight trousers and make them sing Wham! songs'. How original.

Rebecca Ferguson, with her obvious lack of confidence, looked stunning during the early auditions. She wore cute little dresses, vintage shoes and flattering makeup. Fast forward a few weeks and the wonderful stylists at X Factor put her in a dress made of wet suit material. It clung onto every bump and made Miss Ferguson look about 20 stone. Classic. And on Saturday, I see Miss Cheryl Cole lent her some of her red hair dye, she just won't let up....... but I suppose she gets bored in that big empty house of hers.

I felt a bit sorry for Storm Lee. He was a bit of a joke in his bandanna, rings on every finger, tight jeans and bad hat. So they died his hair pink, put him in women's leggings and a shiny blazer and made him sing terrible 80s rock music. The accent p*ssed me off a bit, but ultimately it was the wonderful people at ITV that made him into a laughing stock. I thought he was going to appear on stage with a mullet, tartan trousers and temporary tattoos at one point.

Treyc...... Tracy........ Trecy.......... Treysea. Whatever her name is. She didn't look great in this quilted leather dress with huge Celtic style cross emblazoned across the mid-riff. Again it made a small girl look the size of Simon Cowell's third house. She's hanging on thanks to the removal of boring John. I for one am looking forward to her next outfit; I'm thinking a dress made of bubble wrap, least it will give the kids in the front row a show.

Wagner. A Facebook legend. I for one want him to carry on until the end so I can watch his incredible dancing, comment on his ever changing hair scrunchies and see if he has waxed his chest that week. I heard he is having a secret relationship with Mary. The kids should be pretty. Well, nice hair anyway.

Poor Paije. I think he's been at the popcorn in his old cinema a bit too much. The bow legged, Notorious B.I.G lookalike keeps getting put in skinny jeans, even though his waist size is probably bigger than Simon Cowell's wallet....... that's pretty big. The shell suit top and Kid 'n' Play hair was just a bit too 80s for me. Great voice though, I think he could be the black Gareth Gates.

And finally, Katie Waissel. Apparently she has slept with James Blunt. Enough said.

by philip booth

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